OFTEN I awaken inside the morning, test my news feed on my telephone, and think: ‘What the actual *fudge (*insert expletive of choice here)? How did we get so far within the records of the sector?’.
My husband is convinced that, someplace on this timeline, someone went lower back and changed the future, and we’re currently living in an absurd measurement wherein nothing makes any real sense.
I’m starting to trust this principle, which has got me thinking – how would I explain this case if I suddenly arrived in 2019 and desired to know what changed into happening international.
So that is how I imagined it’d move (after the initial ‘Oh my you’re from the past?! ‘Wow, you look so vintage!’ dialogue, of course):
Enter the time warp
Past me: ‘So what’s the global political state of affairs looking like right now. Anything of interest there?’
Future me: ‘Well, let’s start in America. Donald Trump is president.’
Past me: ‘That orange dude with the brush-over and no discernible mind in any way is in charge of the Land of the Free?’
Future me: ‘Yip.’
Past me: ‘So how’s that going?’
Future me: ‘Well, to date, he’s locked immigrant kids in cages, accelerated the country’s deficit to over $100-billion, and had a Twitter battle with the nut job walking North Korea over who has bigger nuclear guns.’
Past me: ‘What’s a Twitter?”
Future me: ‘Never mind.’
Past me: ‘But England’s adequate proper? I suggest they’re just sipping tea and taking pics of the royal circle of relatives without a doubt?’
Future me: ‘Well, they’ve determined they’re leaving Europe now.’
Past me: ‘What, like bodily?’
Future me: ‘Nobody’s positive. They have a catchy tagline, although. And the queen’s grandson has married an American divorcee who acted on a tv display in brief. But they’re all nevertheless ingesting tea, so that’s satisfactory.’
Past me: ‘Well, I don’t want to even get onto Germany then!’
Future me: ‘No, they’re first-rate! They have a woman jogging the display, and she’s likable. She may even have a sense of humor.’
Past me: ‘And how are things at home?’
Future me: ‘Cyril Ramaphosa is president.’
Past me: ‘Oh excellent, he became quite hip and taking place. So the economic system is thriving; there’s no unemployment, and racial inequality has been eradicated?’
Future me: ‘Ummm… not pretty. The previous president was given in with quite an uncongenial crowd and surpassed approximately a thousand billion rands. Our authorities officers will do anything for some braai meat and booze; we haven’t any energy, and polony has started killing us. The excellent news is that Jacob Zuma is bringing out an album. So there’s that.’
Past me: ‘Cool, cool, cool. So, plenty to sit up for then.’
Future me: ‘It’s not all terrible information, although. We’re getting in the direction of dwelling on Mars, computers are becoming a great deal cleverer than us, and Leonardo di Caprio subsequently gained an Oscar.’
Well, I’m going to mull over all of this while I play a game of Snake on my Nokia 3310 and drink a few Fresca. Past me: ‘Thanks. Catch you at the flipside.’
